Route 80 eastbound, 7 a.m. Sunday, somewhere around Montville, N.J.
One of the people I most respect is my boss at my last job. He’s a 40-year veteran of the newspaper business who got his start in the industry during the Vietnam War, following around the Army officers who told mothers and wives that their sons and husbands had died. His job was, immediately thereafter, to get information from them for an obituary and, oh, did they happen to have a photograph?
He’s seen every story in the world, from money-laundering, organ-selling rabbis to gay Americans, and is never surprised. By anything. It’s awesome.
Anyway, I bring up my boss because, as far as I can tell, last year was one of the worst years of his life. In about eight months he left his job, started a new company, had to go to court for a family member, suffered a stroke, and had someone die accidentally on his property. It would have been funny if it weren’t gruesomely tragic.
But to look at the guy, you wouldn’t know it. He sighed a little louder some days and was less quick to lavish praise on stories (“It’s fine.”), but he still smiled, joked, and talked about his dog as if life were as pleasant as always. Because I’m bad with boundaries, I asked him how he did it.
“Happiness is a choice,” he said.
The past week for me has presented a number of challenging situations that have elicited responses ranging from pouting to foot-stomping to catatonic bed rest (although that last one was just a cold, for which I think bed rest is the best response). It’s not the worst week of my life by far, but it’s not been awesome. In the whole range of things, it gets a B-.
But here’s the thing: I don’t like being in a B- mood, and you can bet your bottom dollar that no one likes being around my B- mood either. So my thoughts have drifted back to my boss, who said he had learned (albeit after years of work) to let his mood be independent of the shitstorm around him. This doesn’t necessarily mean being positive about things that are patently negative (or just not so hot). I think it means that if you try hard enough, you can make yourself be happy, no matter what is going on outside.
It’s hard work!
But here’s how it translated into one of the most sub-mediocre running weeks of recent memory:
Friday I ran about seven miles in bucolic Glen Ridge, N.J. Four miles into the out-and-back run I realized that I did NOT feel well. At all. Unfortunately, I was three miles away from my car. This was unfortunate. Lacking any recourse, I cranked up my iPod (New York Times Popcast!) and slowed it down.
“At least I ran!” I told myself, before collapsing into bed.
Saturday I did homework inside Starbucks. I didn’t run. I didn’t cross train. This is unusual for me. But I did write two lesson plans.
Sunday found me in Central Park, still congested, with a post-power hour Megan. What could have been 14 miles of misery turned into 14 slow miles of excellent conversation, tinged with a few “Ughhhhhs.” But very pleasant ughs.
All very dull stuff. But sometimes boring isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes it gets you back on track.
And now, because this is far too ponderous for my liking, a video. If you run in the New York/New Jersey area, you might have seen “Sergio.” He is a middle-aged Colombian dude who runs without a shirt. He is a character. A few years ago, someone took a cell phone picture of him dancing.
you have still been able to run a lot! i hope you feel better soon.
Hope your cold goes away soon. That’s crazy about what your boss went through, rough year!
I like the attitude your boss has about happiness being a choice. It really is- and can be hard work at times once you think about it…
I hope this week gets a little better for you!
What is your definition of “middle aged?”
I’ll bet Sergio’s modes are “independent of the shitstorm around him.”
32.
SWEET YOU DON’T THINK I’M MIDDLE AGED! (Or won’t be for almost another year!) Does this mean my binge drinking, hoodies and love of “that’s what she said” jokes aren’t juvenile yet?
what a rough year for your boss. he sounds like one tough cookie! and he is soooooo right about happiness being a choice. what a great attitude!
Even though I much more prefer the curmudgeon in you (grumpiness loves company), I respect your new fangled attitude. Way to trudge thru a sub-optimal week.
Welcome to the Orange!! We are lucky to have you.
Its a bad week for breathing. Running. What have you.
I’m always stunned by people who look on the bright side, especially given those circumstances. Wow.
He is pretty stellar. it is also a bad week for walking in straight lines and not smacking your shins on the dishwasher door. APPARENTLY.
Thank you for this.
I do tend to get whiny and self-pitying when unpleasant circumstances are tossed my way, but in the scheme of things, I have no reason to be anything but happy. This post is a perfect reminder to appreciate simple pleasures and small victories during rough patches.
ugh, sorry to hear about your week. at least it’s over, right? I had a pretty craptastic weekend too, if it makes you feel better
though I’m sad I missed seeing you on Sunday! You boss sounds like a pretty cool dude.
So glad we were able to run together friend
Hopefully Saturday’s 1/2 marathon will be much more pleasant! At the very least, I plan to consume less booze the night before.
I’m guessing a B- is practically an F in your book, so I guess you had a pretty bad week. Glad your mood is better now.
i really like this post and i really like your boss’ thoughts on happiness/ keepin’ your chin up amidst the weighty shit of life. and i too have no boundaries and would’ve asked him how he seems so… normal, i guess, despite everything. i admire people like that, and hope that i can do that (to my greatest ability) one day.
hope next week is better for you, and that you are no longer sick so that we can for sure get that drink we’ve been discussing. public school kvetch hour, anyone?