Three boring runs in Taiwan

If you, like me, are a shameful sometimes-reader of crummy women’s health magazines and/or Runner’s World, you’ve probably encountered the perpetual summer or Christmastime article about how to sneak in a run on vacation. Because with all that extra time you have on vacation, apparently, you need scrounge for time to run. Now, if it were me, I would write an article about dragging your ass out of bed before Continental breakfast to run, which is probably why I’ve never been contracted to write for Self.

More difficult, I will allow, is the challenge of finding places to run when you are in unfamiliar locales. But again, this is one of those non-problem problems (a term I yanked directly from Dan Savage), as long as you are not vacationing in Syria or Antarctica. If my dad can run seven miles around our half-mile block when it’s too icy to run elsewhere, the average vacationer can suffer a boring run in loops around her hotel.

Or, as it were, around my friend’s apartment in the pristine city of Taipei. Which is what I did. Which is how I somehow logged 78 boring fucking miles over 10 days in Taiwan.

No, not actually the heart. Kind of the Western edge.

Not that there weren’t challenges. Like:

Scooters

They are everywhere. It’s like facing a firing squad at every crosswalk. And they are piloted not by biker dudes, but grandmas toting groceries and tiny dogs. I was told they are actually not so dangerous, but I didn’t listen and screamed every time they approached.

Old People Doing Tai Chi

I’m realizing now there might be a pattern of me being frightened of old Asian people. That is not the case, as a rule. However, it is the case when they are in exceedingly large groups and wielding their tai chi swords, as they did in almost every public space I ran in. There were also fans, which were less intimidating, but still!

My Obvious Lack of Chinese

Granted, there is something liberating about not understanding angry cyclists, but the only thing that angers angry cyclists more than runners not keeping to the right is a Anglo dumbass who doesn’t stay to the right after being told “On your left!” Also, annoyingly, catcalls do not require translation.

However!

I promised you three boring runs that kept me from getting fat while I ate every goddamn thing I saw in Taipei. So here they are:

1. The track at National Taiwan Normal University

Fact: running around a track is boring, even in Asia. Fact: there are crazy old people everywhere, especially on tracks, even in Asia. Fact: some of those crazy old people will be doing tai chi and/or clapping their hands while walking around the track. Fact: I can still run about six miles around the track before really wanting to kill myself.

2. Daan Park

What does seven loops of a 1-mile loop track look like? See above. Bonus: LOTS of tai chi. Double bonus: LOTS of aggressive volunteer park cleanup crews who most certainly do not move out of the path when runners come by, but get pretty annoyed when runners step off the path. Or, you know, they could have been asking me where I got my shoes. See the “Stupid Anglo Tourist” provision above.

3. Taipei River Path

This path goes on for approximately forever. There are a few feral dogs, a number of old cyclists moving about 2.0 miles per hour who then decide to race runners who pass them, and plenty of old people doing tai chi. There is also a headwind almost everywhere. This did not prevent me from doing two crappy workouts and one lethargic long run here.

So what was the point of it all? Why the torture? Why the constant fear that someone’s tai chi fan would take an eye out?

 

 

The monotony was worth it.